


First Try Turning It On

by KairosImprimatur



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Episode s01e08: I Robot You Jane, Gen, Internet, Parody, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-01
Updated: 2013-10-01
Packaged: 2017-12-28 01:50:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/986234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KairosImprimatur/pseuds/KairosImprimatur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoofin' on early BtVS. Like, what if "I Robot, You Jane" was a Hollywood blockbuster hacker movie? What about that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Try Turning It On

INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY - NIGHT

WILLOW sits at the computer while BUFFY, XANDER, and GILES stand around her, leaning in, oozing TENSION. Willow is TYPING FURIOUSLY.

WILLOW  
He’s corrupted our bytes!

BUFFY  
No! Without those bytes, our program of web files is mega-crashed!

XANDER  
Can you stop him, Will?

GILES  
(stepping back to examine a book)  
I think I have the solution -

WILLOW  
(typing furiously)  
I’ll show _you_ the data, Moloch! I have bytes you don’t even know about.

BUFFY  
Secret bytes?

XANDER  
Go Willow!

GILES  
It’s a simple banishing spell -

WILLOW  
Shh! I’m jacked in!

GILES  
It’s right here in this book.

XANDER  
(to Willow)  
Can you web a hard drive on his cybernet tech?

WILLOW  
Yes.

  
INT. BANK - DAY

XANDER is talking to a TELLER.

TELLER  
I’m sorry. It says that all of your funds have been withdrawn.

XANDER  
But I had thirty dollars! I’ve been saving since I was ten!

TELLER  
Well, you must have decided to spend it, Mr...  
(looks at screen)  
Moloch.

XANDER  
(aghast)  
He’s in the bank!

INT. COMPUTER LAB - NIGHT

WILLOW is alone. She’s JACKED IN.

WILLOW  
(typing furiously)  
Delete. Search, user, Moloch. Delete. Hack. Bad command or...sheesh! This is too binary.

VOICE (O.S.)  
Try this.

ANGLE: TO REVEAL

ANGEL, holding an all-important DISC. Willow startles, temporarily pausing in her FURIOUS TYPING.

WILLOW  
Angel!  
(looks at disc)  
You have computer skills?

ANGEL  
(shrugs)  
It comes and goes.

INT. ARCADE - DAY

XANDER is playing a Mario derivative at one of the consoles. His score is at 2600.

XANDER  
(pounding buttons furiously)  
Come on high score, come on...yes!

Xander raises both FISTS in the air, proclaiming his TRIUMPH.

Suddenly the SCREEN blacks out, taking Xander’s HIGH SCORE with it. An 8-bit version of MOLOCH appears.

MOLOCH (speech bubble)  
GAME OVER!

XANDER  
(aghast)  
He’s in the arcade!

INT. COMPUTER LAB - NIGHT

WILLOW is JACKED IN.

WILLOW  
(typing furiously)  
How did you delete that? I just saved it!  
(beat)  
I can’t believe it! He just deleted my -  
(beat)  
Ack! What’s he gonna delete next?!

Willow’s KEYBOARD vanishes from beneath her HANDS, interrupting her FURIOUS TYPING.

WILLOW  
Oh, he is _good._  


INT. XANDER’S HOUSE - DAY

Xander’s DIGITAL WATCH beeps.

XANDER  
Awwwww yeah! Time for SeaQuest, the deep sea vessel of awesome!

Xander turns on the TELEVISION. He’s AGHAST at what he sees.

XANDER  
It’s fifteen minutes into the episode? But I set an alarm!

ANGLE: XANDER’S WATCH

Instead of a number display, the face simply reads, “LOL”.

XANDER  
(really utterly aghast)  
He’s in my...man. Cyberspace is _deadly._  


INT. COMPUTER LAB - NIGHT

WILLOW is sitting at a COMPUTER while BUFFY, XANDER, and GILES crowd around her. Willow is VAGUELY GESTURING at the space where her keyboard used to be.

WILLOW  
I’ve been trying to modem the wire with a disconnect net number, but the virtual backup is too leet for the digital hackosphere of this coding wipe.

ANGLE: MONITOR

The screen BLACKS OUT. Text begins to appear. All GASP in unison.

MOLOCH (text)  
How are you gentlemen.

BUFFY  
You’ll never get away with this, Moloch!

MOLOCH (text)  
You have no chance to -

The screen goes BLACK once more. All GASP.

WILLOW  
What happened?

GILES  
I cast a banishing spell.

WILLOW  
…

BUFFY  
…

XANDER  
…

GILES  
It’s right here in this book.

THE END.

  



End file.
